you are my candy eye

2007-08-20T13:14:00.000+08:00

i am going back to school...
the 4 months hols finally is over
am excited to go back to school yet scared
i hope i dun screw up again like last term..
time to buck up and score
ready... get set... run!!!!

2007-08-17T23:05:00.000+08:00

take a step backwards
i see the look on your faces

i apologize for being different
i thought i knew
but i didnt
i thought i enjoyed
but i only felt the opposite

i will not leave
because i know one day i will return

when the day we become someone
become stronger
become wiser
thats when we all know those things left behind us meant nothing

2007-08-17T23:03:00.000+08:00

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.

2007-08-15T18:28:00.000+08:00

walking down the road...
the dark sky over me
in between short sentences was the sound of
frustration
confusion
irritation
disappointment
sadness....
on the other line was the sound of
patience
hopefulness
peacefulness...
we all learn that things do not always go your way
learn that the whole world stopped revolving around you when you started making friends
learn that not everyone is watching you anymore
learn that friends will come all the time and they go forever
learn that tears can be something good
have we ever just pause and realize how many things we have taken for granted?
have we ever learn to let go something that means so much to us?
have we stopped telling lies to make people feel better?
have we stopped complaining and regret later?
many things come and go in life
keep the good ones and throw out the bad ones
make me happy today!!!

2007-07-12T21:54:00.000+08:00

insomnia
sleepless nights
unsolved mysteries
good night

2007-07-11T13:50:00.002+08:00

i like being at home just lazing around.. and definitely back at perth smelling the beautiful flowers... i miss being overseas on my own and flying on the plane on my own... i miss being with myself and not having to entertain anyone...
weather is great today... off to teach my kids again... yawns!!!

2007-07-11T13:44:00.000+08:00

well well.. had a great long conversation with my friend.. i would never expect that we could talk for 3 hours long.. thanks for understanding and letting me see how stupid i can be.. well sometimes we need friends like this to know how much we are loved and understood... you probably dun share much about our friendship but i know you cherish it and me too... :) love lots

2007-06-26T11:29:00.001+08:00

my tioman trip was a blast.. its the best i ever had.. i love all my sisters... awesome!!!!

we are splashing at the waterfall
the fishes all around us...
snorkeling at coral island... fishes fishes here i come!
now thats fishing time with captain jack..
speed away speedy boat... bum bum

2007-06-13T13:07:00.000+08:00

the best coffee at perth city...
me and kangaroos
the microbrewery that makes good good beer
me and mo ku... miss her mans

i am back from perth... i miss the weather there and the coffee from the city... but i miss my girls here too.. haha so well.. anyways i am going tioman on friday.. part 2 of my hols..some pictures of perth

2007-06-06T10:32:00.000+08:00

i am flying tomorrow,thursday!!!! yeah yeah!!!
all my dearest girls.. dun have too much fun without me...
ciao... big hugs

2007-06-01T13:10:00.000+08:00

so it was singing and more singing last night.. my parents went together with my friends.. its weird feeling having them there.. haha but all went well in the end.. and i am glad it did..

sometimes the more you try to run away,
the more it comes back and haunt you..
yes it did finally haunt me and
now i cant sleep..
a solution is needed
i gotta get rid of all these stuffs...

2007-05-29T14:58:00.003+08:00

there are officially 300 camera photos in my handphone... can you imagine that?? cant believe it myself.. haha well next thurs i am flying to perth... very excited but a bit scared.. after all its my first trip without a big group of friends.. hopefully all will be good..i have to get lotsa of gifts for the folks in singapore... hopefully i will be satisfied with their flea markets which i am super duper excited about!!! so thats all for now...
hey girls... prawn mee party gotta wait till i am back i think..

2007-05-27T21:31:00.000+08:00

i did my shopping today...
love the bag i bought...
my first porter bag!!!!!
3 cheers and 3 cheers and 3 cheers
for me!!!!

2007-05-26T22:34:00.000+08:00

well well lets see the fishes today!

today is a good day... maybe it is good to me... i like today... is it because today is like no other day? maybe not... then why today? well deep down perhaps you know the answer but please keep it a secret.. because i like it like i like today...
watching you watching me.. i like it like that :)

2007-05-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

my laughter. my joy. my crazy. my heart.my dance. my girls.

2007-05-05T13:30:00.000+08:00

then i was sitting there happily with myself and enjoying the moments i have with myself.
a sudden thought ran through my brains and i remembered those times.
many times we choose to ignore it and to bury it
but now that it has resurface it is time to face it
to either let go or let myself in...

monday is gonna be my dearest couple, rachel and cherie anniversary!!! the third year now and many more years ahead.. the sweetest thing about them is things that they do not say and things they do not do. it is the small actions of giving in and tolerating each other that makes the people around them go awww.... as a group of friends we have watched the way they quarrel, make up and even fall apart... so many hugs and "kisses" (not real kisses) haha

2007-05-01T18:14:00.000+08:00

perhaps one day you will reach the stage of denial
perhaps one day you will reach the stage of euphoric
perhaps one day you will reach the stage of confusion
perhaps one day you will reach the stage of realization
perhaps one day you will reach the stage of gratitude
perhaps perhaps perhaps...
which stage would you be at now?

2007-04-28T17:28:00.000+08:00

Today's Challenge!!!! Can you do the peace sign??

2007-04-21T14:29:00.000+08:00

finally the exams are over... have been partying for the past week and enjoying good times with my wonderful friends. well of course not everything went well... there is bound to be some idiot that spoils it all... but i still enjoyed myself throughly..
my love to my wonderful friends who never fail to love the crazy crystal.... big hugs

2007-04-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

i miss....
1. my friends
2. my dance floor
3. my heineken
4. my friends (did i mention that???)
5. my late nights playing NOT studying
6. staring into space
7. playing with my baby laptop
8. my eye candy
9. days with no worries

2007-03-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

oh right.. i havent like wrote in for a long time mans... i miss having freedom to play, talk and laugh. now i am packed with gazillions of stuff then i feel like i am suffocating!!! crazy late nights in school is gonna make me so sick i sw**r i gonna be a sick sick piece of junk soon.
i just talked to my best friend. it feels good having someone to rely on and who you know you can trust your life with after a hard day of work. though me and her have our tough times but it is this that makes us bring the best out of each other. i cant help and accept the fact that she knows me inside my brain and outside my actions. i love her lots. thanks for always making me feel at ease during those craziest moments.

2007-03-08T20:45:00.000+08:00

a beauty at the museum

when we are superstars

they are crazzzzzy

when we have drank 5 jugs

2007-03-04T01:13:00.000+08:00

shouting
crying
heartaches

thats part of growing

lovetillithurtsandthatsLOVE

2007-03-02T00:23:00.000+08:00

the song that is stuck in my head when i was walking home.. i'll be by edwin mccain...

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said

i'll be your crying shoulder if you let me be

2007-03-01T12:18:00.000+08:00

today is a rainy rainy day...
i took the train listening to "sexy back" haha my feet was tapping to the beat.. i miss those dancing crazy days... for now all i can enjoy is just listen to music and tap to the beat.. how sad is that.. i cant wait for the 4 month break to start so that i can dance my night away.
missing those drinking days and k days...
i cant wait to go to Perth as well.. going there during my break and i will get to enjoy eating fish and chips and walking by the shore..

2007-02-26T11:16:00.000+08:00

having class in school right now... yawns..
well today my dad fetched me to school.. its been ages since someone fetch me to school... it was a FAN-tasic feeling mans... there was no need to like squeeze with stupid people on the train and rush with stupid people for the train and carry my heavy bag to school.. so yeah yeah!!
no more pick-up and hello orange-red car!!!!!

2007-02-08T16:27:00.000+08:00

on tuesday night.. my first k experience this year... we were traveling back in my dad's pickup... hair flying and all... the wind was making us damn high.. haha

2007-02-06T15:33:00.000+08:00

with more assignments coming and more essays to do... i am so completely lost in the sea of craziness... life is just gonna be more demanding...
so whats new with all this school?? nothing much
whats new with all your friends?? nothing much
whats new with yourself?? nothing much

well there is really nothing much going on... i havent even got my clothes for cny!!! oh mans... time is like sprinting now... i cant catch up and i will not try to keep up.
God bless me
love
stress kid

2007-02-02T19:39:00.000+08:00

i cant wait for all this stupid thing to be over...
too much things on hand.. damn tired and irritated..
wondering hows my candy eye... haha
oh well!!!

with great powers comes great responsibility
hopefully my dad understands that...

well is quantity=quality??
would it matter how much time we spent together? or will that be put aside? i miss being out but yet it is different now.. different feelings and different settings...

2007-02-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

well i went to the museum today.. and guess what interest me more than singapore history.. haha the cars parked outside the museum... who would have expected to see a rolls royce... haha... nice nice...

2007-01-31T01:05:00.000+08:00

still studying now at this late hour of 1am... kill me...

2007-01-29T22:32:00.000+08:00

i guess i am so busy to keep my blog updated.. so from now onwards... i try to post a photo each day or rather a few times a week...
well... a picture speaks a thousands words.
the wedding last year on christmas eve... one of my favorite pics!

many misses

2007-01-14T22:03:00.000+08:00

happy new year!!! i know i know its a bit late.. yes yes and i know i know i havent been blogging for the longest time... i guess many things are happening so i didnt have the time to quiet down and start blogging... even right now the very moment that i am blogging i was busy doing something else... its gonna be a busy busy year ahead or at least for the next 4 to 5 months... cant wait for summer break...
miss going out. miss drinking. miss laughing. miss being with myself. miss going crazy. miss not caring for tomorrow. miss not working. miss having endless hours of sleeping. miss eating my fav desserts. miss not being happy. miss breaking down and cry endlessly. miss contacting old friends. miss being in a crowd. miss being attention seeker. miss watching my fav tv shows. miss singing my hearts out. miss going to church.miss going for retreats. miss going to Philippines.miss miss miss and many many more misses...

2006-11-04T16:56:00.000+08:00

i am in school doing my LTB project.. laughing till i can die.. the guys in my group dress up like girl.. it is damn damn sick.. but it so funny la.. if only i can post those photos here but i better not tarnish their reputation.. haha
anyways last night we went to st james station.. well well was not the best night.. always trust the six sense.. i had this bad feeling about the place.. sigh.. was quite disappointed that many of my friends didnt enjoy themselves. well honestly we all have a choice whether we want to enjoy ourselves or not.. too bad that some of us chose not too.. but i dun blame them.. i just felt prob they shld just try at least.. for the sake of everybody.. its like a chain reaction.. when one is not happy the rest will be affected.. the reason is because we are close friends.. if we were just ordinary friends we werent be even bothered whatever the rest is feeling.. friendship such a fragile yet precious thing..

2006-10-30T15:12:00.000+08:00

now i am in school
time passes so slowly..all alone now listening to my favourtie songs
bored bored
i was looking through my birthday pictures..
those smiles
those laughter
i miss just having that..
now i have to be boiled down by tonnes of project..
its crazy.. but i have got to do it...

party at dragonfly on 12-13th october 2006

2006-10-20T12:03:00.000+08:00

wow wow wow..
super hot cans.. went to karoke last night and found this video of a medley of sammi cheng and denise ho.. woah.. damn hot..
here's the link for the video.. check it our yourself...
Sammi Cheng 鄭秀文 & Denise Ho 何韻詩 Medley 情陷仙樂都
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPrj4b7GOZk this is part 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFMb0yDviMQ this is part 2

new favourite song now.. wooohoooo...

2006-10-17T14:14:00.000+08:00

feelings fade
sometimes we don't realise how we are
part of another person's picture
people don't change
they just remain the way they are

as the music plays in the background i rememeber those times when i used to sit in this quiet room dreaming believing stressing. this room that is filled with so much of me. this room that comforts me in the night. perhaps time has come for me to step back into this room. to be there for myself again.

2006-10-16T16:30:00.000+08:00

after the many birthday dinners i had i realise something. there is actually no need for so many dinner celebration. one good dinner would have been sufficient. but nevertheless i wanna thank all of my friends for their hard work planning it all. to make sure i was very happy.. and i did enjoy myself on my day.. thanks thanks.
thurs night- dragonfly party!
whoo hooo.. i finally got to go listen to my live band.. will put up the photos soon.. it was damn exciting.. i hope everyone else enjoyed it.. haha the later part in the night was like gai tai.. haha damn funny.. the dj was like "there is a birthday girl in the house. so happy birthday to Crystal." haha shock shock.. i didnt expect that to happen.. but all was well.abit pai seh also la.. got my chocolate cake from captain clay..yummy.. haha
thank you dear friends for being the first to be there on my birthday. its been a while since i celebrated it.. and i really had lots of fun
friday's dinner with my grp of friends eating steamboat.. ray, dawn, eileen, my crazy friends.. haha love them..
will send in photos soon..

2006-09-20T14:23:00.000+08:00

school lectures friends work
things that have been revolving around me these days.
being caught up in things around me that it keeps me busy spinning.
its lucky that i have got my friends at work to always keep me on a high.
thanks to all my dearest friends. without you guys i probably would be in a lost at what to do.
i miss going to ktv sessions.. when is the next mahjong session mans?? i miss drinking too.. hahaha i miss going out..
stuck at home for the past two days has been boring and irritating.. haha

i watch the clouds fade off their colour today.. in my head i wondered who has caused all this to happen. i miss the colour in the clouds.. when will it be back??

2006-09-04T14:18:00.000+08:00

school school and more of school..
so tiring.. cant wait till its friday again!! monday blues.. yawns... yeah cant wait for friday to come mans.. time to let loose.. well i just got my pay so things are really good.. but then again.. i am worried i would spent too much.. so no more ktv nights.. maybe like once in 2 weeks but not twice in a week...
lets see what else can i talk about.. i think i am finding lesser and lesser stuff to blog about these days.. just dunno whatelse more to say about me myself and i.. well maybe the next blog i shall up more photos when cherie finally sends them to me.. haha till then ciao

2006-08-20T22:08:00.000+08:00

oh mans.. finally the holidays are all over.. no more late nights out singing my fav songs.. no more drinking.. sads sads.. time to go back to school and be a good kid..hopefully everything turns out ok.. damn scared.. hope i get to make new friends..

2006-08-15T22:57:00.000+08:00

last night i went to kbox again.. drank quite a bit more.. haha but had loads of fun.. today work just was so tiring... was so happy to see some of my favourite customer.. oh actually one favourite customer.. its funny how some customers can really make your day.. all thanks to them..
school is gonna start and its so sians.. i hope all will like go well mans.. i hope i get to make friends new friends in my class and all... well i am so glad to have met a friend who acts the same as me and can go crazy like me.. we just totally can click mans.. Dor i am so happy to have known ya.. ya are damn funny la girl.. will see you soon soon.. love ya mans...
too tired to think of anything else
till then
ciao

2006-08-13T18:16:00.000+08:00

everything quiets down..
i am tired la.. so sleepy everyday cans.. last night i went to kbox with my friends.. its the second time this week.. needed some extra boost in my life.. it has not been a fantastic week i guess.. have been caught up with orientation camp.. work and work and church stuff.. i am starting to lose faith in being who i am.. i was telling my friend how everyone has already judged me.. not in a very bad way but in a way such that a change in your personality would cause some to view ya differently.. sometimes its tiring to be the person everyone knew for so long.. but then i dun think its a good idea to change.. it requires much more effort and explanation to the people ard you.. and the worst is that you dunno who you are yourself.. you are unsure what you are seeing in the mirror.. what a terrible phase to be in.. hopefully all this growing up and thinking through would pass along fast.. i dun like being in this phase.. sucks..
life has its ups and downs.. my life is filled with this roller coaster mixture of feelings and experience.. what lies before me is uncertainty.. i hate being uncertain and not have control over my own life.. all this emotional shit is getting to me in a way too fast mode.. emotional has become a chore to me.. i dun like how people look at you when you are sad or emotional.. but i cant help being emotional. it is who i am.. so i rather be in that stage.. maybe not too often.. must be tough.. i am starting a new chapter in my life and i should be all set and ready to rock on.. haha
bah bah bah.. nothing much else to say
wondering when is the next time i will see you

2006-08-04T21:41:00.000+08:00

its already august.. i cant believe it.. i am going to offically start school soon.. ahh... i am so afraid to meet new people.. thats it. i need to take a deep breathe.. build on courage.. i can do it!! time to make new friends.. haha
i am still missing my trip.. cant wait to go for another holiday.. my wen is like in hong kong now enjoying herself while i am in spore... bah.. haha i miss you best friend.. come home soon.. love love
well so school has been quite adminstrative nowadays.. dun like it.. boring.. then usually it clashes with my work.. so its like rush rush for me.. and i hate rushing around.. but i guess i have no choice.. got to save more money before school starts.. sigh.. well my laptop was hang after i bought it for two days old.. now my laptop is like my baby.. i am taking care of it so well.. i really hope it would be all fine for the next 3 years at least..
looks like it everyone ard me is having the flu virus.. eeee... scary.. i hope it doesnt get to me mans.. i hate flu.. well who likes it right? haha i am hoping for the best.. haha i hope that my jab would work though i doubt so.. haha
guess i shall put up a few more pics that i took in philippines.. i miss all of it.. i wanna save money and go again at the end of the year...

2006-07-25T19:19:00.002+08:00

7 days 6 nights 1 experience
i had the time of my life.. my trip to philippines is the best in my entire life. before this trip i had expectations that seem impossible. i wanted to bring hope to the people there. however, when i reached there, it is they who opened my hearts and gave me hope. i remember clearly the first day i was at baseco, the site which we were suppose to build our house, he place was in a mess. i didnt expect to see hwat was before me.. the slums were so close to the upgraded houses. its like there were separated by a basketball court. in my mind, i was thinking ," what would the people living at the slums be thinking? do they feel inferior? how do the people living in the upgraded house look at their past neighbours who used to live at the slums too? two diverse community but both sharing the same soil" i was confused and disturbed. the next day got better when i met some of the home builders. they already had their upgraded houses and working on the work site is a form of community service for them. they were so cheerful and delighted to see us there. accompanying us were 3 volunteers from philippines who will be with us throughout the trip,. they were with me during my 2nd day of building, they were helping me translate what i wanted to tell the workers and what they want to instruct us to do. the one worker that i remember dearly was oka.. he is so sweet.. he would always attend to our needs and if we ever made a mistake he would just smile scratch his head and say "ok ok" and he would modify the wrongly cut board to suit to their needs. never once i heard them complaining abt the weather, the mistakes we made or anything. they were happy people who are satisfied with what they have.. the last day at the work site was sad.. we could not go to the work site on the third day sbecause of the typhoon but on the 4th day we went back there for the last time thugh we know its gonna be a typhoon later.. we sang two songs to them and took photos with them.. it was really sad to leave that place.
my 3 maganda angels during this trip. they were the best.. they protected guide us through the whole trip. they were themselves volunteers but they were all out to keep us safe and warm.. their friendship has been one of the best rewards i got from this trip. they always make sure every one of us was feeling ok. on the roads, they surround us such that no harm can reach us. they were the sweetest angels i have ever met. their willingness was something that moved me to step up and serve others as well. their enthusiasm was something that made me strive further.. it was them that made me realise how my life should be changed around. thank you and mahal ko kayo i love you all..

2006-07-22T12:50:00.000+08:00

ella's daughter. this pic was taken at philippines. the little is the daughter of one of the women that was taking care of us when we were resting in the rest house. she is so cute. i miss those times when i was there.. the simplicity of life there is such an envy. coming back to singapore means i had to face the stuff that is happening. i really yearn for that kind of life.. for the next week or so i shall write more about my trip.

day 1. we reached manlia clark in the afternoon after a tiring flight in the morning. all 17 of us were in a small van heading to lunch. Joillbee was our first stop. each vaule meal had rice as a side dish. the sun was scorching hot. had to put sunblock before i get darker. then after lunch we went to the place we were suppose to stay at. on the way there, i saw this group of local guys talking to 2 foreigners apparently asking for directions. then they gave some money to them as a form of saying thanks. one other guy who was holding this bag of gule sniffing in one hand walk up towards them to ask for money too.. but the foreigners got on the cab in time to avoid him. it was scary to see how openly he was sniffing glue. i guess its not a common sight in singapore but there its a everyday sight. we reached Shalom Centre the place that we were gonna stay for the week.. the place was much better than we had expeced. the dorms were fully air-conditioned. and the toilets were quite clean.. i was really excited about the trip just looking at the dorms. yipee go go go..

2006-07-22T03:18:00.000+08:00

i really miss baseco!! i miss oka..
i really miss elaine pearl and ynna..
hope to see all of you soon..
come see spore kk

i am missing my trip again.. when will i get another week off from the life of singapore. darn..

2006-07-20T23:50:00.000+08:00

thank you friends.
you guys were the best treatment for me! i cant imagine without you all.. there were no masks no cover ups just simple food, tea, frappe and us.. everytime when i hang out with you all its like an instant injection to my system.. haha boost me up for the next week or so.. you guys know what to do to make things go aok.. i wanted to work on my assignment but decided this was far more important than any assignment i have. i guess this once in a while meet up thingy is so so good. lets do it still even when we are back studying.. hoooooooo!!!
we all have grown in our small little ways. the change in us throughout the years was seen by the rest. it is through each one of us we learn more about ourselves. i see myself grow stronger each time i think about you guys. thanks for being so supportive and just being yourself all the time.
i love all of you.
p.s yue liang we miss you too..

2006-07-18T22:19:00.000+08:00

i hate being the perfect being
i hate being the joy for others
i hate giving love
then
He came
He showed me how its like to be the perfect being
He showed me how to be the joy
and He showed me how to love

i was tired and fed up with myself.. the laughter has died out and the joy is slowly fading off.. and the heart is weary.. quietly i listen to my heart beat at every stop of my life. then i remembered Your love for me. a deep breathe and strength is regained.
for the past few days my bunch of friends has been sending mails to each other. thanks for their emails that never fails to bring smiles to that shagged face of mine. life has been better just with you guys around.
i need more courage more strength more love to go on esp this week. has been troubled by financial stuff.. money has not been my best friend. i have got to trust more but its tough. and i wanna just earn lots of it so it could be last of my worries.and there is YC elections. accept or reject?? ponder ponder.. i guess i need more prayer but then again i think i know what my answer is..

thank God for being the source of my strength

2006-07-16T21:24:00.000+08:00

i am back!!! my mission trip to philippines has been the best in my entire life.. i missed it so much now that i am back in singapore.. yipee.. the people warm my heart.. i love them to the max.. mahal ko kayo..
the spirit the people has shown made me wanna boost up and radiate with love. the faces i have met are the most beatiful and simple i have yet to seen int he past few years of my life. i had to thank the people who made this tripsuch a beautiful one. and above all i wanna thank God for guiding us throughout this trip.
special thanks to my three maganda angels:
hi there all my pretty girls.. you all really made me feel so loved throughout the trip.. i still remember the first day when i saw you girls bringing us to the mall.you took care of our needs make sure we were safe.. putting us before yourself. i was really moved by all of your sincerity.. i know that the place we stay is quite far from your home but that hadnt failed you from coming early each morning and staying late with us each night. i still remember asking pearl what time she must wake up.. and i was shocked that she has to wake up at 4am.. you guys have to wake up so early but never once had you all been late. each one of you reminded me how much i taken things for granted. the love the cares the friendship you have given me its the best gift i had from philippines. i really hope i can go there again and we can spent late nights laughing and talking again..i will never forget the friendship. the tears we have shed for this friendship too. probably at times others might not understand but i can see it and i feel the love you have radiated around you.. all of you have been special. thank you again. mahal ko kayo i love you all .
god bless

2006-07-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

5 years had passed
finally all that waiting was over
she got to see that
one mini few seconds of him
he forgot how she looked
forgot who she was
broken shattered.

plastic smiles covered her face
the one song melted the plastic
tears flowed
pain.

realization.
history was never meant to be kept
it was meant to be
forgotten
left aside..

let her be
let her be herself just for these days
let her cry
let her be
let her cry her 5 years of
dreams
hopes
and wishes...

2006-06-28T22:02:00.000+08:00

i love my blog.. it has so many shit that i have wrote.. i prob dun rmb all the other stuff i have said before. oh well.. why bother? i have been bothered by too many stuff.. to the extent that its stopping me from throughly enjoying myself. oh damn. sometimes i should just let things be and let go. forget about anger and shit ppl. but if i am like that then i wouldnt be me anymore.. i will be like some other thing.. maybe ruby.. haha get it? lame..
so lets see i read this out to rachel and qiu xia (work peep) during lunch one day.. haha "people says that eating a doughnut would make you fat. but they got it wrong. eating one doughnut will not make you fat but eating 10 will.." haha so so so to all the people who are counting their calories instead of enjoying the food this is what i have to say.. haha " eat one not ten" hee hee..
special note to my honeydrew: " i love you! and sorry for showing a black face at times."

Gordon and Des Wedding

2006-06-25T17:40:00.000+08:00

i love weddings! the day one is in my church and the night is at the swiss hotel. so nice i like.. have a good life ahead gordon and des.
date of the special day: 10th june 2006

2006-06-25T16:33:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i blog.. been busy working and blogging is the last thing on my mind. i thought there are many things happening that result in a state i am in. but i came to realise it was all one thing. that things became clearer and resulting in hurtful words and tears being shed. i guess its time to take things slower and be more quiet. being on my own isnt after all all that bad. sometimes they say we have to talk it out.. but i say otherwise. whats the use of trying to explain a bunch of stuff when things either dun change or get worse. it might just end up with me being in a worse state. i have been through it and i know whats it like. confrontation is what we shld all avoid. take a step back breathe and look elsewhere. thats what i have learnt.
there are some people who thinks that they are the only busy ones. hey! time for a reality check. the whole fucking world is busy not only you princess.. i guess i just have to tolerate others "innocence" for everybody's sake. tolerance has reached a different level. the stages are added so that i dun blow up. well thats good. lets just hope the bomb to be deactivated soon.
walking in mango was madness.. i went to the sales on thurs.. there is like so many hundreds and hundreds of people.. all after something they dun know. it might seem dumb but the sales was reaaly good. everything that you wanted from mango was on sale. i bought what i wanted and was happy. it was good relief that i didnt buy it last sunday! woohoo..
i am such a random person. i am just typing whatever that strikes me. like random typing. which i kinda if like doing. rigid is so boring and sometimes so tiring. this is what you must do so i shld do blah blah blah.. i think we shld have a practice of praising people. when was the last time you actually praised someone? you prob kept critising and putting others down that you forgot what is it like to praise. i know some who are like that. and its so irritating. i just wanna moven away from such ppl.. sigh. i praised someone today.. have you?

2006-06-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

its funny how some people scare you. haha i just realise it. suddenly i am so glad there is friends. it kinds of prevents people like me, who do things on impulse, from making a wrong move. whoooo.. that was so so close. i am so glad.
i think i have grown older overnight. i made to realise things that i dun want to know and have to put down my pride to allow it to happen or just to forget that it has happened. things are happening around the world. it saddens me to see what is going on. i am beginning to ponder if all this was something of someone's plans. perhaps someone is trying to take over the world. steps by steps this person would create obstacles so great that mankind cant overcome. maybe those movies about end of the world and all those stuff about evil ppl trying to take over the world are true. maybe cartoons like pinky and the brain are true. maybe in a secret corner right now while i am typing all this someone out there is planning to kill more people. maybe maybe maybe.
random thoughts just flowing out to give space for the new week ahead.
over the weekend questions flooded my head over stuff. the world, the church, the passerbys, the friends, the family... there is so many who where what how why.. its so difficult to answer them. i choose to give up answering them and just push it at the back of my head. i didnt want to go thru all the trouble of answering and pondering. "get over with it and move on" thats all i could think of. it was then on sat night when all time stops moving. for that 10 mins during that night i felt the inner desire for something so great to happen, a desire to believe and have faith. the room was lit up by that little candle symbolic of the little hope i have for everyone. it was then i realise how selfish i have been. to think about me and myself and my own problems. i neglected everything worse that was happening around me. who am i to complain? who am i to judge? who am i to feel neglected? i am so blessed just being alive. i should be thankful. so then i decide to try to block those negative thoughts away. i am still trying and praying. hopefully all things turns well.

a treasure that is difficult to keep is better left unkept.

2006-06-02T19:09:00.000+08:00

sorry to have left my blog like postless for the past few days. i was caught with work and blogging didnt seem to come across my mind. i finally made up my mind. i am going for my mission trip. it just seems so coincidence how things work out. i was worried about the money and all one moment and before i knew it i was gg to pay half of it cos i am below 21. perhaps its coincidence perhaps its part of His plans. i never would know... but thanks. that was a relief off my back. i was just amazed.
back at work just seems so routine. its the things you do all the time everyday. smile at customers and try to be nice to them. i have to admit that i bitch abt them. its so irritating when they treat us without any respect. hellooo i am a waitress not your servant. today this mexican group of women who talk loudly and are just freaking rude. it was damn irritating. they were like shouting " HELLO HELLO WATER!" or like " HERE HERE!" i am like argh.. but there were really nice customers i met today. a mother and child asked me my name and they were really nice ppl. thank goodness they were there to make my day. probably this is how God works at times. He gives you the both sides of everything and we decide which will affect us more. i had the choice of treating the other customers badly but i choose not too.
thank goodness i have my crazy bunch of friends. i wld never know where i will be without them to crack me up. there are like my energy tablets. cant wait to have fun tonight.

2006-05-23T19:59:00.000+08:00

what a day!
today was my first day at work. i felt so out of touch with waitressing and stuff after not doing it for like 4 mths. like there were so many things i was lost at. unfamiliar faces. was just not my best of days. perhaps it will be better on thurs! tml is my off day so i can like slack slack at home. how i wish i was rich and didnt have to earn bucks.
i bought this pair of strawberry earrings. so sweet... i like can. haha no i didnt buy it. haha my best friend bought it. damn funny cans. it was one of those weird things i suggested again. but i love those earrings. i got so many earrings mans. time to count how many i have. i think about 20 pairs. haha
i need coffee. damn my coffee mate is not free now. which means home made coffee... sigh. Java chips i will come soon...

2006-05-20T15:49:00.000+08:00

Find your own pose!

2006-05-16T12:50:00.000+08:00

picture at daybed. music good. atmosphere better. fun more. laughter filled. comfort superb.

yup hanged out last night and watched mission impossible 3 haha well a movie worht just spending time. not fantastic but worth spending the time i guess. haha i miss hanging out like the way we do last time.. it was immense fun. haha though at times it can get bored but those times when we all had fun was so much more. ler you better come out soon k.. stop hiding at home.

i am now confused. i have a few choices i have to make. i feel that i am like i am financially broke. haha. like those working adults the fear of not having enough money to spent and to buy the things i want. i am currently like jobless.. haha though i am starting school in august which means just abt 3 mths of fun. i wanna go and do many things.. just gotta to get a job quick quick.go crystal!!!

going out with friends

2006-05-13T02:20:00.000+08:00

i finally found my favourite place after two doors has closed down. its DAYBED. super nice nice place i like i like.. i havent liked a place as much for a long time. nice nice. but i still perfer two doors.
hanging out with friends these days has been quite a busy thing for me. i have fallen ill. had my cough first and it got worse. now i am having a flu. oh mans. too little sleep can cause a lot of damage to my body and brains. i start thinking of nonsense stuff. damn crap. i need to rest my mind.
i am losing patience with myself. i realise that i know what i should not be doing yet i still do it and i cant seem to stop it. word vomit. i hate it. i gonna change and get back to myself again. for now i just got to stay calm and listen to my close friends. i need to take control of my life again.
my dearest friend is flying to brunei for a year. i will miss him a lot a lot. goodbye moon.. take care.

have you ever..

2006-05-13T02:02:00.000+08:00

have you ever dreamt or rather day dream/night dream (a dream that you are totally aware of ) about something so unrealistic..
i had.
i have been thinking about it for the longest time.
i wonder if it can ever be actually true.
i love dreams.
dreams give me the freedom to think in whatever way i want.
i dreamt about you and me.
everything seems so perfect in that dream.
but is it perfect in your dream?

2006-05-07T13:45:00.000+08:00

have been blogging a lot for the past two days. just to keep those that read my blog busy reading. had the time to just chill at home listen to music and just blog. havent done that since a long time. haha i have got a confession to make. only my best friend knows about it. haha have been checking out someone's blog for quite a while. haha i guess its like the 1st time i actually bother gonna check out a "stranger's" blog. the stuff there is really worth reading. haha quite exciting actually.. well well nah not telling who is it. haha secret secret. *wink wink*
i think blogging is good. it helps one to stay connected with someone else in a different way. its like you know what this person is up to without having to communicate at all. but i have got to be careful what i blog. never know who would be reading this. now that i kinda of realise how i am linked to other people's blog i am quite scared.
good news. i have got admitted into nus arts and social science faculty and smu bachelor of social science. i am so happy. however i not too sure which school i wanna go. for now, i am very tempted to go to smu. there are just so many factors drawing me towards there. but but i dunno. i dun wanna make a rash decision. i wanna think about it and be patient about it. this is so unlike me. being patient and not doing things on impulse. cant wait to get it settled.

“Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.” – one tree hill

2006-05-07T01:09:00.000+08:00

day dreaming.
i am listening to a song and unknowningly i am smiling as the song plays.
how silly.

exhausted from lack of sleep and too much of last night.
i cant help it realising how such simple things touches one heart.
if i could i would never wanna sleep
i wanna spent every single moment enjoying life
searching
discovering
loving
wondering
exploring
experiencing
realising
growing
believeing
and dreaming....

it all be better tommorrow

The last of One Tree Hill season 3

2006-05-06T15:48:00.000+08:00

"William Shakespeare wrote,'Love is not love which alters when an alteration finds it is an ever-fixed mark, That looks on tempests and is never shaken...' Love alters not with time brief hours or weeks but bears it out even to the edge of doom."-Lucas Scott

2006-05-06T15:30:00.000+08:00

i finally did my dancing.. woohooo.. i love my friends. thanks for just being around. i needed it mans.. paul oakenfold.. woohoo..he was good. but i still like paul van dyke.. haha haha last night was crazy. dance till the night falls mans. it all started with drinking then before we knew it we were dancing dancing dancing. haha all through the night. and me and rachel went right to the dj console haha that was the funniest. we were there and i was trying to get a photo of the dj. haha i hope we got one at least. rach shook his hand for dunno how long and i was like only touching it cos for at least a min (which is damn long) he was holding her hand. haha it totally made her night mans.
yesterday was my last day of work again. yeah got a break now. haha my work mates gave me a treat to kbox. it was so sweet of them. at first i didnt wanna go i was afraid of spending too much money for that night. they were a fun group of friends though the age gap was like woohoo like wide.. the songs they pick were not those i really knew or rather wasnt my era. haha but it was nice to see everyone enjoying themselves.
i just watched season finale of one tree hill season 3.. oh my gosh. its the best ever. i love it. the drama was so so so good. i really cant wait for season 4 to be out. oh my i really love the show. it ended with a big bang mans. i am dying to know what happens in season 4. hurry hurry. the sow is just so fantastic.

2006-05-01T20:34:00.000+08:00

i just watched one tree hill season 3 the latest episode.oh my my.. chad michael murray is so so hot. hahaha he is really the one guy mans.. oh well.. but i cant wait to watch the next episode it is so exciting. my favourite drama serial of all time.
well i went to do hair treatment today. my hair feels as soft as the feather. so nice cans. two weeks back i dyed my hair.. blonde streaks with ash brown as the base colour. the ash kinda of fades the blonde so its super nice. i love it.
back to work. let me say this just one last time, i will never be an accountant. the stress of figures is killing me. working at taka is really making me spent more money than i should. i think its time i save up for my mission trip. yes i am going for the mission trip that is held by my church. it has always been what i want. i just hope i could. i know i have to save for my uni but.. well i dunno... just gotta see how it goes.
i miss my friends. i havent hang out with them for many weeks. i miss those ktv sessions where we sneak in our drinks and sing till my throat sores. i miss them so much. i hope i get to meet them again. its been so so long.. sigh.. big hugs to all of them. honeydrew, strawberry, barney and rachel (haha i havent got a "name" for you yet i realise) i cant wait to go dancing with ya all again. lets go play soon k..

whats wrong in believing in fairy tales? doesn't it end with a happily ever after?

2006-04-18T11:19:00.000+08:00

you cannot run away from your weakness
you must fight it out
or perish
if that be so
why not now?

somethings are beyond our control and plans.
death.
"the stages of grieve
anger, fear, guilt, depression,
acceptance"

from one tree hill-season 3

2006-04-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

well well what can i say.. life is full fool of everything. i realise probably this whole working thingy is a waste of time and just to get money. how dumb. wasting my life away like that. till today. i let myself allow others to talk to me. allow myself to take control of things i think i could. allow myself to speak what i feel within. wow.. never felt that relived since dunno when.
i guess i never really got a chance to let myself speak to others. anyways i am moving out of the company soon. so gotta to get adjusted to new peeps again... sigh
moving along i just got back from siglap.. sigh.. i wanna club but its lent. i wanna do smth good and try to be good. buts its tough. damn. tempted by everything. argh. cant wait for easter to come. then joy.dance.drink! yeah... till then got to 'suffer' abit more.
i was just wondering who actually reads my blog. i know 2 people who reads it. i wonder who else. probably time for a head count. hey you!!! yes you the one reading my blog tag me pls. so i know who is reading this all the time. haha funny. werid. but i really eager to know who the hell reads all this crap (sometimes). haha
back to reality. gotta try to get myself up to do things i dun wanna do. i think i am forced to do it. i have got no choice. haha "there is always a choice" sounds like smth i always tell my friend. well thats besides the point.gotta to move on. get going. pick up my speed. stop being blind start looking. damn crap crap.
i havent been at my com for some time. feels like my com grew bigger. haha must be dreaming again. either that or the com at my office is damn small. not used to big com like this. met up with some friends recently. havent got to see them for some time. well something was missing during that lunch we had. i wonder if its me who is distant from this close friendship i used to enjoy. i liked their company a lot. but it seems just weird. havent seen for months.. ppl change...and havent really gotta used to it all.. probably cause i am no more in sch. i really those old sch days where i can be who i want to be. love just laughing ard being silly and loud..pissing my teacher, copying my hwk, being a nag to my class, being kaypo, acting!, bugging dawn, bullying yue liang, disturbing mag mag, teasing eileen, being an irritant to cheo and blackie.. wow those times seems like ages ago.. i miss all of them and more. where have all this fun gone to?
all right stop with all this stuff.. i have got good news for all.. new addition of special ocassion to crystal's calendar! HAPPPY THREESOME DAY! yipee its on the 23rd of every month. founders are me wen and ler yipee... love them all.. big big hugs

2006-03-24T23:27:00.000+08:00

i realised a few stuff over this past few days. mainly friendship. i know it is very cliche and all but i just gotta to say that friendship is so fragile. a wrong message can cause many misunderstandings. a small action can cause jealousy and worse tears. well at times we hate to admit how jealous we are of our friends. but i have grown to speak the truth. jealousy is not all that bad. it makes us realise how much the other person means to us. it is because how much this person meant to us that we are feeling such "evil" thoughts. perhaps its time to think it in another perspective. the more we feel close to a friend feelings of insecurity and jealousy grows. we dun realise why such feelings exist and at times it hurts not only the other person but ourselves too. i realise that at times we will dislike the feelings we are having. but we cant stop them, it is only human nature. but i have learnt not to run away from those feelings. face it, admit it and realise that its wrong. its only that we learn to grow out of it and be aware of ourselves more.
those tears we shed during times of disappointment and anger with our friends is because the realization that maybe we are losing it all. maybe those feelings are part of a friendship drifting apart. it is through those tears we recongnize how important this friend is to us. thats what happened when i those small puny tears flowed out of my eyes. i didnt know what was it that made me tear. i didnt want to admit that i was losing it. perhaps i just dunno how to handle it. i was quite lost. thinking i understood and knew it all all along was not true anymore. maybe i didnt understand and didnt know at all. i was afraid, uncomfortable and felt bad for my friend. she was innocent. she didnt know what the hell i was tearing for? what the hell she might have done wrong? i guess it is too much pressure on her. i feel bad for her. is it me sheltering her from all this pressure then? why is it that at times now that i feel that way? i guess there are always so many questions to ask and so little answers for them. what i should do now is trust. trust that every word of promise she gives is true. trust that our friendship is always as strong. trust that if i need help i just got to scream and she will be there. trust that if i was lonely in town she wld only be a phone call away. trust that if i need to buy shoes she will be there to walk with me and find the right pair for me. trust that deep down she does matter whats happening around her and that the stupid carefree self she puts in front of ppl is just her way of hiding her vulnearability. i wonder if i am right to say all this? she probably thinks i am thinking too much again. really?

right now back to boring life... starting to work again after the one week break i gave myself. work is bad. older people working at my place is bad. i dun get to talk until lunch time.. bad bad.. i have no friends at work. there is no one my age. what happened to the younger ones? and whats up with lagging computers? i probably could have finish my work so much faster if not for the slow slow slow computer. and then the many invoices. not my favourite thing to do. data entry. oh my gosh! how i wish i can like just blink my eye and everything is done. well it doesnt work in my world. *blink* yah its so boring that i am not gonna say anymore. the rest ya all can figure it out.

new blogskin if you have realised? all thanks to my sister. thanks cindy for like taking time off to help me find a blogskin and editing it for me. all thanks to you. credit goes to you.

2006-02-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

fun in our pjs. friends for life.

cookie rocks mans.

2006-02-03T01:14:00.000+08:00

this is my best friend that i love so dearly. i came up with something really dumb. on the 18th of every month it is our best friend's day. so on this particular day, we must wish each other happy best friend's day. i know its childish and all like pri sch kids but i feel the need to.haha probably after a few months we would forget already la.. haha well we will just see then..

2006-02-02T02:01:00.000+08:00

quarreling is not good. its like you can pick a quarrel with someone within 1 second but the peace and make up part takes forever. i promise never to quarrel unless absoutely necessary esp to my closer friends. i am sorry for times that i made them feel upset and frustrated. after peace and make up there would be this uncomfortable stage.. that awkward stage i hate that the most. why is it that we take for granted the happy times and focus on that one or few times that upset us? leave the stuff that is stupid and upsetting and hold those happy stuff close to you. why pick on small unhappy matters and not rejoice on small happy matters? a tiniest thing can cause a fragment btw the closest friends. how dangerous is that mans...affirming each other is very important in a friendship. i feel that when you tell someone that you love her/him and cherish that friendship a lot, it would mean a big deal to anyone. but at times it is only after quarrels we tend to cherish our friendship much more. that is if you are lucky. just had a quarrel with one of my friends but we made up already. haha when it was the cold war and uncomfortable period, i had the sudden thought what would happen if i were to lose this friend. sad, lonely... my worst fear of all is to be disliked or hated by this friend. well i am side tracking already so i should end here and skip to a next topic.

i went zouk on monday night. wow wow wow. it was damn damn crowded. my shoes were white when i went in and after walking or rather pushing through the human traffic my shoes became black.it was stepped all over. i cant believe it mans. not only my shoes were stepped all over. i felt my chest was being flatten like dunno how many times. i almost broke my arm too. unknown guy just hug my waist and pushed me over. though he helped me get through to the next step but i was damn uncomfortable. well during the squeezing like sardine part i kinda of regretted being there.. but then after that when the some people left and me and ler went in again it was worth while going to zouk. PAUL VAN DYKE!!! he is so good. and the smoke haha my favourite mans.. i hope next year when he come again i can stay longer.

2006-01-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

i was wondering why ler looks so funny in this pic.. haha its just so ler can.. i really miss her.. havent seen her for a long while. so funny la this pic.. just so funny.. haha

2006-01-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

i am like so angry can. this stupid customer at my shop today was telling her niece (or however she is related to this kid), "thank you auntie, say thank you to auntie" hello bloody old hag.. you are the AUNTIE mans.. oh my gosh she is like so freaking fucking insulting me. oh my gosh. thats why i hate all this so called older people who thinks that they can pass off as young farts. oh hell... ok now that i have vent it all out it feels much better. i actually thought the shop they own was nice. i must have been blind. argh argh.. i dun look like an auntie. i guess its time i have to change how i act. but i was just waitressing. i really felt like taking the knife and poke her can. argh. its the first time i have been called this way. how hurting to a young teen. haha ok.. not young teen, young adult. haha its ok.. i still get the praises from the ang mohs. so not that bad and one of them left a 5 dollar tip. how sweet.

chinese new year is back in action again. you watch floods of people rushing around trying clothes and all. how typical. bought lesser stuff this year. its kind of getting difficult to find clothes in tiny singapore. its about time i outsource. i am like waiting to go to bangkok or even china. china cos everything is made there so it is bound to be much cheaper. ahh.. i really wanna do shopping spree.. though i bought a new bag which is so so nice. i love it. and sunglasses. which is so funky and all.. trying to make wen wear those that she bought too. it was awkward at first but after that i just heck and wear them la.i hope tml i get to buy more stuff. till then.. ciao

2006-01-22T00:32:00.000+08:00

Safe in a crazy world

I try to smile my tears away
i try to keep my cool
oh but one more door gets in my way
i feel like such a fool
trampled and bitter
my heart just wants to bleed and stop
believing in me

it feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
when they're lowering the curtain to the
Theatre of my dreams
I stumble adn i crumble and i'm
sinking to my knees but you
you cradle me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms i find the strength
to believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where i go
oh and life likes pretending that it's
on a tv show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the world i seek

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world

'cause when i'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like i can breathe again.

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms i find the strength
to believe in me again

this is the song that is gonna to be the theme for my upcoming retreat. i am glad that we are using this song. i am listening to it now. for the 10th over times. so i can get it in my head. well well well i have been shopping for cny stuff.. got a few stuff.. my new bag rocks mans i love it and my funky sunglasses and my nice skirt.. hee hee havent got everything so i have to go shopping again. so fun mans.. yipee.. i am like tired tired tired these days.. have not been sleeping enough. so i am gonna stop typing already. not thinking awake so cant type much. be back on another day for another chapter in my life.

2006-01-18T01:28:00.000+08:00

i think i am kinda of losing the strength to decide on my own. my decisions are made because of the things and people around me. what has happened to the me last year? after all this schooling and all.. i realise i am moving not forward but backward. i start to think if this is the kind of life i want to have. and if not.. what am i gonna do? do i have to guts to step up and move away. to quit the kinda of fun others would admire? its so easy to say," why bother what others think?" probably i havent grown. i am still caught up in those teenage days. wait.. hold on.. i am still a teenager. just cause i am paying adult fare does not make me any less of a teen. i am still 18. probably all this are just passing phase. why worry and bother? so long as i am having fun thats all that matters. but am i having fun? i think i am. doing the usual stuff and all. but is this fun? i start to doubt the so called fun i am having now? is it all an illusion that people around me has come up with? what defines fun? is staying at home to watch your fav shows fun? is looking out of the window counting the stars shinning brightly fun? is talking to a long lost friend fun? what is fun? fun is like maybe hanging out with a few friends just eating steamboat together and laughing at the other people stealing our golden mushrooms.. fun is hanging out at starbucks and laughing at how people can look so weird at times.. fun is shopping with a friend who knows what you want.. fun is eating supper with your friends and get tease and scolded at.. all this fun.. i kinda of miss such simple fun. just laughing away and being myself. i guess i wanna go back to then. just enjoying the simple stuff.

when all things seem to fail and start crumbling in front of you, dun ever panick or give up. just stand up take the deepest breathe, feel your lungs with courage and stay strong. i realise at times of discouragement its no use being sad over it. probably just cry and mourn over it for a few hours and then stop.. wipe those silly tears away.. its no use shedding more tears.. instead look for ways to solve it and get out of it. i realise now that, its probably not the first step that is the most difficult but actually carrying out the plan and the process that is more tough. its suitations like this that makes people quit. i guess its all up to the determination one has. how i wish i could buy determination? that all could be easier...

2006-01-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

well well well..i think mos is kinda of a jinx to me. haha havent had a truly fully fun time there yet. thats like freaking weird. there seem that everytime i go there, i would always be pissed and be pushed around. luckily at the end of it i still got my best friend to complain to and to confront her as well.. haha if i was piss with her la. but that rarely happens cos i cant be pissed with her for too long. haha but in a whole i still think its fun and all. i better start saving money mans. i cant be spending it on food drinks and clubbing. i did save a bit just that must save more. haha
i think pmsing is not good. it makes me think of things that probably is not worth thinking of. but i cant do much about it. it just comes. haha thats like so freaking irritating. i am just typing all that is on my mind. random thoughts
work has been quite frustrating for me. the person who i though was ok all along turn out to be the worse. but then the person i thought was not good turn out to be not bad after all. but still cant help it. so irritating cans! i am just too lazy to find another job and i mean a few more months and i can be off. so why bother with such people? i just go there work smile a bit and leave with cash in my hands. i guess its a test for the future. there would be much worser people than these people i met.so bear with it and get over it.
have you ever doubted the friends around you? whether they are being friends with you for a motive? i guess all these evil thoughts are getting into my head and i slowly becoming more cautious of the people around me. of course there are friends that i know i can count on or at least i think. come to think of it, its quite a scary thought being alone without any friends to talk to. i just hope that the friends i hold close to my heart would be true. how i wish i was back in kindergarden? where all these worries can be left behind?

thanks best friend

2006-01-12T01:45:00.000+08:00

thanks best friend!!
tonight you have made me realise things that i have been avoiding and running away from. i didnt want to face what was staring right at me. but when ya talked to me while walking you home, it suddenly made sense. what ya said made sense. though i made many excuses and all just to avoid doing it, you still carried on trying to put some sense into my closed up mind. you know, what ya did tonight was something none of my other friends could have done. you did not fear the answers i might give and the weirdness it might cause. well actually there was no weird moments. i guess you motivated me to make the first move. probably you feel that ya havent gave much thought when ya asked me about it but guess what? its gonna make a difference.

your words may be few
your advice may be smth that i knew
but all these and more has helped me
and is going to help me move on
thanks
a million and one thanks

2006-01-05T23:49:00.000+08:00

i am listening to the soundtrack of the musical Rent. amazing singing mans. i borrowed the soundtrack from andrea. all thanks to her for introducing this musical to me. amazing plot too.
well i just talked to my friend. she was complaining about two of her friends, was damn funny. its a wonder how people irritate her and she is so mean.. haha but thats just her. i think both of them should know not to piss her. she would get damn mad!! haha but she is the funniest la.. the way she describe them and all. i love talking to her though at times she is so busy and LAZY!!! haha but well well she will still make time for me her charming friend.. hee hee i love her to the max max.. hee hee muacks.
i have decided that i would go thailand only at the end of the year due to my hectic schedule. well i wish i could go for like 1 week or so.. like just leave singapore. but it might probably cost more. hopefully my friend is back in his homeland then maybe can stay over his place. but all this can wait. i still have so much other commitment now.
i love my mummy! she is so cute. haha she called to ask me not to be angry with her. haha i cant possibly be angry with her for long. she is my mother!!!! haha
now that my dearest best friend decided to do less smoking and clubbing i shall help her with it. hopefully she keeps to her words mans. always half way half way. i gonna watch her closely mans. beware wen!!! i am watching dun try to bluff me mans.. haha stupid girl la she. haha she like put ugly pics of me on her display of msn.. damn terrible. i must revenge mans. i will take with her ugly pics next time. I WILL BE BACK

i am back

2006-01-04T11:46:00.000+08:00

hi all, its been a freaking long long time since i blog. well i kinda wanted to stop blogging due to reasons that i didnt want others that i dunno to read. haha but thats silly. anyways HAPPY NEW YEAR!! its been another year. looking forward to this brand new year. there are stuff that i am busy with. church mainly. its more and more projects. well plus saving money so that i can have my hols at thailand. hmm.. i am suppose to find some acting company too so that it would help with my furture stuff. but i am lazy. i guess too busy as well. probably would start calling in march when i am done with most of my stuff.

my 2005 has been rather a crazy and fast year. A'levels took over my life and made it the centre of attention. i didnt talked much to most of my friends and family. now that is all over i finally cooled down and hang out with my usual friends. really missed them ! now that i am out of school, i dun have to restrict to talking to ppl i am uncomfortable with. thats what i like mans. no more fake smile and small talks.. haha well i am hang out with ppl i am truly close with. hmm.. i dont particularly dislike anyone probably most of it is on my part of not used to the kind of lifestyle they have.haha ok i shall stop here. hopefully i will be back blogging tml.. till then

2005-09-23T13:51:00.000+08:00

exams are over!! yeah.. but i guess the worst has yet to start. but i sure enjoy this moment to the max.. anyways have been hanging out with my frens lately those that are not in my sch.. yup it was fun.. haha though there was a time when i got really uncomfortable with strangers around.. haha but after that it all went really well.. i missed them alot.. their smiles their stupid lame actions.. their craziness.. the familar presence of them was sometimes i missed so much.. thanks for still making me feel so happy after all this stress and problems i am facing.. ya guys are great!!! last night was at starbucks again.. was with my best pal.. missed her a lot.. and ya just enjoyed the time we spent.. its funny how our friendship got close.. it was not something planned.. we laughed at the stupidest things.. i ask her the stupidest questions.. and yes i agree with cherie she wld always make intelligent remarks.. but i have learn to be a bit smarter.. haha we were talking about jimmy neutron and his stupid inventions.. sometimes its quite amazing but at times it can be quite retard.. haha so ya.. i gtg eat lunch.. its been such a long time since i blogged..

2005-09-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

i saw a different picture today. a picture that seems very familiar. i have been trying to cover it up with a cloth but now the cloth has slide off and i could clearly see the picture. hmm.. what a chim analogy. if you got it good for you.. it can be used for different situation with different people. have you ever thought life was all about living through it just to experience what life is. the real living comes after death. confused weird strange. thats whats life. difficult to understand and appreciate yet at times humans tries every single way to live just for that one more min or sec or even to live forever.
i look around. in this strange weird world there is a flicker of hope. it might seem dim but as i approach it closer i see it lighting up my world. dark clouds might occasionally pass by and try to hide the light but we can rest assured it will always be there.
i have grown to learnt that there is much more to learn in life. there are many people around us that we can cherish. sometimes we just got to slow down our footsteps and look around look behind to see who is behind us.

2005-07-29T16:56:00.000+08:00

another friday..so soon.. its scary how time is passing so quickly that i feel that i cant catch up somehow. had a horrible day on thurs. i didnt know how to cope with the little time i had and the heavy workload on me. i was worn out. felt like quitting. those moments of slience i had to myself were so important. "deep breath crystal deep breath" those were the words i said sliently to myself. forcing those feelings back in my system. food was horrible as well. guess in total all was just bad. however i got over it after a few hours of agony. i dunno if people around me cared. it was obvious they knew i was not myself. but none came to say anything to me. does being a good friend give you the excuse that u assume u know me well enough to know what i want. no one is to blame actually.. cos if i had really need someone i should have spoke up. however sometimes words arent needed to comfort someone. i know my church friends would step up and hug me so tightly as if that was their last. actually its time to realise that u can rely on no one except God and yourself. that everyone around you are just temporary beings. its sad but thats the fact. okkokk enough of the sad stuff

on wed took some class pics.. it was great having everyone gathered together to do smth. i just felt really happy. a class that i have spent less than 2 years with so far. but the countless experiences with each individual be it bad or good would be memories i would keep. thanks 04S14!! you will always be remembered.

2005-07-22T23:08:00.000+08:00

drama.
my passion.
responsiblities.
my burden.
studies.
my stress.
friends.
my support.
coffee.
my drug.
water.
my greens.
school.
my laughter stress.
family.
my ---
God.
my life.

tired tired and tired. my week has been hectic. with drama coming up the stress is building and with prelims drawing closer extra stress is added on. i sometimes wonder what to do next cos i am so lost in this big maze with so many openings leading to different duties. just really feel like quitting and just be me. but i guess its hard to even recongnize myself now. i miss crystal. where is she anyway?

2005-07-12T15:37:00.000+08:00

i have lost. i decided i will not continue with all this anymore. i have had enough. what you tell me was a clear indication for me to let go. the way we behave in front of each other told me that its never gonna be more than that. its so funny.. i knew it all along. but i still carried on with the hope of maybe maybe that the feelings would be the same. haha i am so so silly. how would it be the same? i am so dumb to trick myself and deceive myself all this while. well i have told myself to be stronger min by min, hour by hour, night by night. one day i will not need you. the way i didnt need him. well but will i regret the same way i did for the past few years. haha a repeat of my nightmare? has it come back to haunt me? i am so afraid that i hate to let go. after all its just a simple question of whether to let go or not? just answer it. i always had answers for my friends. when it comes to my own i just cant decide. how dumb how stupid sometimes we all can be. what seems like a dream was after all another nightmare. i had never guessed that you would be the one to replace him. its so werid how i always thought he was the one. but now that history is repeating itself.. who is going to make me forget you? to make me happy the way you did to make me laugh at myself to be the light in my life to comfort and tell me jokes? now that i am going to let ya go who is going to care? well now i just pray each night for courage to face the day tml for strenght to continue to smile and laugh to be able to concentrate on my work.

2005-07-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

i had prayer meet today.. i guess it was good that i when.. after all that results and shit stuff happening i guess i needed some boost in my life.. and it came from my prayer meet..

sometimes i guess God doesnt really play a part in my life cos i am so caught up with other stuff that i tend to forget someone who is spiritually there but not physically there.i kinda of miss just praising him and forgetting everything else.. it felt really good.. its a whole diff kind of peace and happiness that reality cant buy..its a kind of thingy that is so diffcult to explain by words. i guess its when ya experience it ya would then get what i mean..

sometimes living in reality is so difficult.. coping with the stress then with the feelings woah.. so much there is to handle in such a short life.. sometimes i sit back and watch how people buzz around and worry about everything. thats when you realise that you arent the only one facing crazy problems each day.. so does billions of people have to cope with their problems. then i start to realise how lucky i am to not be rushing around, to have enough food to eat,to have clothes to wear, to have an education ,to have ppl ard me who care and love me... wow and many more blessings.. thats why we should love life.. i hope i am making sense..

2005-07-08T19:29:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. i guess i am grounding myself for such bad results.. i will not be going out till after my As.. unless friend's birthday and church stuff.. yah so looks like it life is going to be boring for a while.. bye bye partying and hello studying.. sigh..

2005-07-05T21:19:00.000+08:00

i cant take it. i am just overwhelmed by sadness. it is a sense of failure adding hopelessness. it wld not have mattered if i did not study. if i did not work hard. but i freaking work so hard. why is it so unfair? why is it that i could not get what i deserved? why is it i have to remember the familar taste of failure? why isnt it gone when i worked hard? so what if the whole world says its ok? i am still a failure. what if i did not have the capability to do it? that i am reaching beyond my stars? that all i have ever dreamed and aimed for was after all a bunch of crap? with such results you will be outcast. i just cant help blaming myself for my failure. after all who is there to blame. you studied and took the paper yourself. just admit that life is unfair. you dun ever sown what you seed. when the whole world congrats you on one particular paper.. you feel like shutting them up. i didnt even put in as much effort. the paper was just bascially easy! but i still have to realise that the other two subject i studied so hard for was useless.. why is it like that?

2005-07-03T18:51:00.000+08:00

JIMMY EAT WORLD LYRICS
"Kill"
Well, you're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I want to go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance? (chance?)
Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be)
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes
It's just like being alone

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means)
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Got to take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret

2005-07-03T18:22:00.000+08:00

have you ever felt so lost ? have you felt so low? do you believe in angels? i do. they have been around me all the time. in my school in my home in my outside life in my church. they were all i need to keep me alive. angels.angels.angels

ok woah.. on fri night i hang out with my fantastic friends again.. i was at kbox.. haha then me ler and wen was there first.. woah woah woah.. it was major fun!!! we were singing our hearts out.. not until cherie and rach and rach's fam came.. we shy away immediately. haha but all it took was an hour before we got shameless again. singing like no one's business. around 2 am cherie rach and her fam left. so it was us to start off and end off haha it was pure madness. ler wanted to hear her songagain and again.. but it was damn fun!! cos we wanted to make full use of how much we paid. it was 30 freaking bucks. we had no more money to play after that day.. so we played like crazy.

then we sat at 7-11 eating sandwiches becos we were so broke and cant eat prata. sorry ler cant meet your zero!!! i was discussing with them about the random use of vulgarities.. its like why do people scold in hokkien? scolding each other's private parts? i mean dun they think its amusing to do that? haha scolding each other's vagina n penis?denthere is the word fuck which is often used.. why do people scold each other to go have sex? isnt having sex a nice thing? not that i have it before.. but ya whats up with that mans? so the next time when someone seems to be swearing and cursing in private parts and having sex just laugh at them!! cos its dumb!! haha how about going back to basics. scolding simple words like "stupid" "dumb" etc.. at least if you do that you would be getting your message across. no use trying to scold each other in weird language that doesnt even make sense.. it only shows how stupid you are!!!

so my days of fun is over. and my results should be out on tues. afraid i am and just not confident i wld get what i want. however what is done is done i just got to be perpared for the worst. there is no one to blame for my results. only myself to blame.i am just praying for the best. hoping that whatever that comes doesnt hit me hard.

back to my angels. i know they come and go. but during that special moment they have kept me alive with happiness. their smiles are unique and one of a kind. no one can replica or replace it. they need not be good and there all the times. i am just glad they were once in my life. that they have been the spirit for me when i am weak! thank you angels and love you all always. those near and far..

2005-07-01T13:21:00.000+08:00

last night.. one tree hill was great as usual.. haha there were this song sang by michelle branch and jessica harp.. The Good Kind.. its a damn nice song.. thanks to ler i got the song too.. woah i guess that wld be my favourite song for a while.. hee hee.. i am home slacking away.. feeling sick again.. i am getting my flu virus back again.. damn it is like off and on.. so irritating.. probably cause i havent got enough sleep.. but yah i wanna it to go away.. to not come back.. shoo shoo.

2005-07-01T01:15:00.000+08:00

finally exams are over.. back to my blog. k a quick fill up in what has happened before my exams and during my exams. k before my exams was just pure madness. i practically staying home for the whole hols to study. i didnt go town for the whole freaking hols. that is madness.. however its not as though i was studying 24/7 everyday.. i just stayed home.. i guess its the guilt thingy.. cos i know if i was to go out then i would feel guilty. haha but if i stayed home and not do work i wld feel lazy. its different. k so i admit i did slack here and there.. but i really did do some serious work. really wanted to try to get a C for all my subjects. however i think its quite impossible esp for my sciences. probably math i still can make it.. but chem and physics was total screw shit. well i guess i wasnt prepared. i could have did more work harder and play lesser. oh well i guess i have another chance. so ya work harder next time then.. oh the terror was physics paper. i was shivering through the last 15 mins of the paper.. damn scary.. i was still trembling after the paper. and the werid thing is i didnt know what i was so afraid. it just doesnt make sense to tremble for no reason. however it might be the aircon. haha so probably me thinking too much again.. i remember last year that i was hallucinating that there was someone behind me chasing after me while i was doing my math paper. i guess this is just part of crystal's crazy exam stress!!! haha well what can i say...

now is the excitng part!!! the after exams.. haha its just the second day since my exams were over... oh rather 3rd day since its pass 12am already.. anyways the first night i went out with my friends and just really let my hair down mans.. haha i was so happy to actually meet some of my friends that i hadnt seen for nearly a month.. haha cherie was telling me how much she miss hearing my voice.. that was just so so sweet.. me too missed my own voice.. cos when ya are studying at home alone there isnt much to talk about or to even talk to.. come to think of it.. i cant believe how quiet i have been for the past month.. it was like woah.. haha i guess part of crystal's exams strategies.. to talk less and rmb more.. haha well that one night of awesome fun was just fantastic.. i wanna say big thank you to eileen and dawn for being there to party too.. they probably could not stand the smoke smell and had to lie to their parents about going home late (opps) sorry mans.. but i really hope ya guys enjoyed yourself..and thanks to cherie , rachel and wen..you guys totally just made me feel so relax and destress me so much.. haha sounds weird but yeah!! you guys were the best.. cant wait to meet up with ler and han too.... tml tml we will party again.. today or rather yesterday i went out with dawn.. we did some shopping.. trying to get boxers for our friend's birthday present.. i mean its difficult to find boxers.. how troublesome.. haha well watched War Of The Worlds.. AWESOME !! that movie was one of the best movies i watched this year.. haha i guess probably cos i havent watched any movie for so long that just sitting at the theatre and enjoying a movie was awesome.. haha anyways that movie left me trembling inside... i tell you.. these days i keep trembling ..haha its damn weird.. maybe i am falling ill.. but that movie a bit scary.. i not going to leak anything out just for those who wld be watching it.. just imagine yourself in the same suitation but of cos not with tom cruise.. i mean not next to him.. you will just end up admiring him and not bother if the world is crumbling..(refering to girls and some guys.. ) hahaha

anyways i kinda of briefly said what has happened to me during the time i didnt blog.. haha i got to go chat with ler and wen before they start scolding me..

2005-06-15T18:40:00.000+08:00

Overjoyed Stevie Wonder

Over time, I've building my castle of love
Just for two, though you never knew you were my reason
I've gone much too far for you now to say
That I've got to throw my castle away

Over dreams, I have picked out a perfect come true
Though you never knew it was of you I've been dreaming
The sandman has come from too far away
For you to say come back some other day

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

Over hearts, I have painfully turned every stone
Just to find, I had found what I've searched to discover
I've come much too far for me now to find
The love that I've sought can never be mine

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

And though the odds say improbable
What do they know
For in romance
All true love needs is a chance
And maybe with a chance you will find
You too like I
Overjoyed, over loved, over you, over you

i was listening to this song over the radio.. woah.. nice song. well what can i say?? i have decided that to be overjoyed, over loved and finally over you.

2005-06-14T18:23:00.000+08:00

i am so so so so bored!!!! i have to do my studying but i have not done any for the day yet.. oh mans.. i am so lazy.. anyways this is to promote for my school's drama night... i am the stage manager for it.. i very much hope for everyone to come support...

UNMASKED

venue:TPJC AUDI

time:7.15PM

date:12/08/05

2005-06-13T18:11:00.000+08:00

i back from retreat.. so fun it was.. got to catch up with good friends that i had not talked for so long. i really miss them.. now i am missing retreat.. how i wish i could just go back to that kind of carefree life.. wouldnt it be so good.. ?? well i guess i have to stop dreaming and start my studying or else i will be doomed..

during the retreat.. i learnt so much. its really so great to have friends around you who care for u so much. its like as though they were your little angels.. i really needed it and they were just there.. listening to me talk and laugh. my life will never be the same if they were not there to support me. i really miss them so much.. i really miss the joy and fun we had.. cant wait for year end camp mans..

i havent really got back to study mood yet.. quite screwed la..probably all my classmates are just studying till their brains explode.. and me still slacking away.. haha i think i better go study soon mans

2005-06-10T09:47:00.000+08:00

some friendships are based on uility and some on pleasure. some people are our friends becos they are useful to us, others becos their company brings us pleasure. perfect friendship: a desire to bring good to the other becos one loves that person, and not for any expectation of return. one no longer keeps accounts of the exchanges back and forth, no longer cares who owes a favour, who gave the larger gift. advantage of this sort are forgotten. "in friendship based on goodness there are no complaints, for the measure of the benefit seems to be the intention of the giver" perfect friends have acheived that state where it is truly more blessed to give than to receive; consequently in such friendships no complaints are heard about not receiveing enough.

adapted from a book i read..

2005-06-10T09:17:00.000+08:00

i stared blankly into space hoping i could forget you.. closing my eyes wishing for that day for someone to replace you so that i don't have to miss you anymore. hmm this is a direct translated verison from a jay chou song which i thought was very nice..

last night i could not fall asleep again.. its one of those sleepless nights that keep ya awake thinking about something. i wanted to make use of that time to study but i could not concentrate.. oh mans another wasted night.

yesterday my mum was damn funny.. this is what she said and i code " the weather is so hot. i want to go buy rojak" haha i mean whats the connection mum?? well me and sis just laughed and laughed. joke of the day mans.. rojak does not make you cooler?? haha damn funny..

today my retreat starts. its at bukit batok.. well i cant wait for it.. hmm doubt i would study much.. i think i need this time off. i need to come back with a focus mind. i think thats what that has been lacking..

i watched lost last night.. cool show mans.. one of the most exciting serial show i ever watched.. many complications i must say.. so for those who didnt watch the first epi ya wld probably find it hard to catch up.. after that was one tree hill.. my favourite.. though it might not be that exciting but it is still my favourite.. awww....

2005-06-09T15:42:00.000+08:00

anywAys i figure i should not like put the song on my blog.. hmm.. anyways i wanna say a big big big thank you to my best friend wen.. she is the onewho helped me revamp my blog.. special credits to my younger sister cindy (who wanted her name to be huge!!!) for helping me find this template.. thanks mans.. i know how fussy i am about all this and all.. but ya mans.. ya all still helped me.. so thanks thanks..

when the stars go blue

2005-06-09T11:54:00.000+08:00

the song on my welcome page is "When The Stars Go Blue". i am trying to put the song on my blog.. hmm however i know how irritating sometimes it might be if you are listening to your own music.. well just bear with it.. its a nice song.. my fav song now.. haha i have to thank ler and han for this song.. they were the ones who introduced me to this song.. its great mans.. thanks mans.. well this song is from One Tree Hill.. for those who dun watch this show... YOU BETTER START WATCHING.. its on thurs nights ch5 after OC..

here without you

2005-06-06T13:39:00.000+08:00

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the
same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it get hard but it won’t take away my love