i was wondering why ler looks so funny in this pic.. haha its just so ler can.. i really miss her.. havent seen her for a long while. so funny la this pic.. just so funny.. haha

i am like so angry can. this stupid customer at my shop today was telling her niece (or however she is related to this kid), "thank you auntie, say thank you to auntie" hello bloody old hag.. you are the AUNTIE mans.. oh my gosh she is like so freaking fucking insulting me. oh my gosh. thats why i hate all this so called older people who thinks that they can pass off as young farts. oh hell... ok now that i have vent it all out it feels much better. i actually thought the shop they own was nice. i must have been blind. argh argh.. i dun look like an auntie. i guess its time i have to change how i act. but i was just waitressing. i really felt like taking the knife and poke her can. argh. its the first time i have been called this way. how hurting to a young teen. haha ok.. not young teen, young adult. haha its ok.. i still get the praises from the ang mohs. so not that bad and one of them left a 5 dollar tip. how sweet.

chinese new year is back in action again. you watch floods of people rushing around trying clothes and all. how typical. bought lesser stuff this year. its kind of getting difficult to find clothes in tiny singapore. its about time i outsource. i am like waiting to go to bangkok or even china. china cos everything is made there so it is bound to be much cheaper. ahh.. i really wanna do shopping spree.. though i bought a new bag which is so so nice. i love it. and sunglasses. which is so funky and all.. trying to make wen wear those that she bought too. it was awkward at first but after that i just heck and wear them la.i hope tml i get to buy more stuff. till then.. ciao

Safe in a crazy world

I try to smile my tears away
i try to keep my cool
oh but one more door gets in my way
i feel like such a fool
trampled and bitter
my heart just wants to bleed and stop
believing in me


it feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
when they're lowering the curtain to the
Theatre of my dreams
I stumble adn i crumble and i'm
sinking to my knees but you
you cradle me


You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms i find the strength
to believe in me again


Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where i go
oh and life likes pretending that it's
on a tv show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the world i seek


You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world


'cause when i'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like i can breathe again.


You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms i find the strength
to believe in me again



this is the song that is gonna to be the theme for my upcoming retreat. i am glad that we are using this song. i am listening to it now. for the 10th over times. so i can get it in my head. well well well i have been shopping for cny stuff.. got a few stuff.. my new bag rocks mans i love it and my funky sunglasses and my nice skirt.. hee hee havent got everything so i have to go shopping again. so fun mans.. yipee.. i am like tired tired tired these days.. have not been sleeping enough. so i am gonna stop typing already. not thinking awake so cant type much. be back on another day for another chapter in my life.

i think i am kinda of losing the strength to decide on my own. my decisions are made because of the things and people around me. what has happened to the me last year? after all this schooling and all.. i realise i am moving not forward but backward. i start to think if this is the kind of life i want to have. and if not.. what am i gonna do? do i have to guts to step up and move away. to quit the kinda of fun others would admire? its so easy to say," why bother what others think?" probably i havent grown. i am still caught up in those teenage days. wait.. hold on.. i am still a teenager. just cause i am paying adult fare does not make me any less of a teen. i am still 18. probably all this are just passing phase. why worry and bother? so long as i am having fun thats all that matters. but am i having fun? i think i am. doing the usual stuff and all. but is this fun? i start to doubt the so called fun i am having now? is it all an illusion that people around me has come up with? what defines fun? is staying at home to watch your fav shows fun? is looking out of the window counting the stars shinning brightly fun? is talking to a long lost friend fun? what is fun? fun is like maybe hanging out with a few friends just eating steamboat together and laughing at the other people stealing our golden mushrooms.. fun is hanging out at starbucks and laughing at how people can look so weird at times.. fun is shopping with a friend who knows what you want.. fun is eating supper with your friends and get tease and scolded at.. all this fun.. i kinda of miss such simple fun. just laughing away and being myself. i guess i wanna go back to then. just enjoying the simple stuff.


when all things seem to fail and start crumbling in front of you, dun ever panick or give up. just stand up take the deepest breathe, feel your lungs with courage and stay strong. i realise at times of discouragement its no use being sad over it. probably just cry and mourn over it for a few hours and then stop.. wipe those silly tears away.. its no use shedding more tears.. instead look for ways to solve it and get out of it. i realise now that, its probably not the first step that is the most difficult but actually carrying out the plan and the process that is more tough. its suitations like this that makes people quit. i guess its all up to the determination one has. how i wish i could buy determination? that all could be easier...

well well well..i think mos is kinda of a jinx to me. haha havent had a truly fully fun time there yet. thats like freaking weird. there seem that everytime i go there, i would always be pissed and be pushed around. luckily at the end of it i still got my best friend to complain to and to confront her as well.. haha if i was piss with her la. but that rarely happens cos i cant be pissed with her for too long. haha but in a whole i still think its fun and all. i better start saving money mans. i cant be spending it on food drinks and clubbing. i did save a bit just that must save more. haha
i think pmsing is not good. it makes me think of things that probably is not worth thinking of. but i cant do much about it. it just comes. haha thats like so freaking irritating. i am just typing all that is on my mind. random thoughts
work has been quite frustrating for me. the person who i though was ok all along turn out to be the worse. but then the person i thought was not good turn out to be not bad after all. but still cant help it. so irritating cans! i am just too lazy to find another job and i mean a few more months and i can be off. so why bother with such people? i just go there work smile a bit and leave with cash in my hands. i guess its a test for the future. there would be much worser people than these people i met.so bear with it and get over it.
have you ever doubted the friends around you? whether they are being friends with you for a motive? i guess all these evil thoughts are getting into my head and i slowly becoming more cautious of the people around me. of course there are friends that i know i can count on or at least i think. come to think of it, its quite a scary thought being alone without any friends to talk to. i just hope that the friends i hold close to my heart would be true. how i wish i was back in kindergarden? where all these worries can be left behind?

thanks best friend

thanks best friend!!
tonight you have made me realise things that i have been avoiding and running away from. i didnt want to face what was staring right at me. but when ya talked to me while walking you home, it suddenly made sense. what ya said made sense. though i made many excuses and all just to avoid doing it, you still carried on trying to put some sense into my closed up mind. you know, what ya did tonight was something none of my other friends could have done. you did not fear the answers i might give and the weirdness it might cause. well actually there was no weird moments. i guess you motivated me to make the first move. probably you feel that ya havent gave much thought when ya asked me about it but guess what? its gonna make a difference.


your words may be few
your advice may be smth that i knew
but all these and more has helped me
and is going to help me move on
thanks
a million and one thanks

i am listening to the soundtrack of the musical Rent. amazing singing mans. i borrowed the soundtrack from andrea. all thanks to her for introducing this musical to me. amazing plot too.
well i just talked to my friend. she was complaining about two of her friends, was damn funny. its a wonder how people irritate her and she is so mean.. haha but thats just her. i think both of them should know not to piss her. she would get damn mad!! haha but she is the funniest la.. the way she describe them and all. i love talking to her though at times she is so busy and LAZY!!! haha but well well she will still make time for me her charming friend.. hee hee i love her to the max max.. hee hee muacks.
i have decided that i would go thailand only at the end of the year due to my hectic schedule. well i wish i could go for like 1 week or so.. like just leave singapore. but it might probably cost more. hopefully my friend is back in his homeland then maybe can stay over his place. but all this can wait. i still have so much other commitment now.
i love my mummy! she is so cute. haha she called to ask me not to be angry with her. haha i cant possibly be angry with her for long. she is my mother!!!! haha
now that my dearest best friend decided to do less smoking and clubbing i shall help her with it. hopefully she keeps to her words mans. always half way half way. i gonna watch her closely mans. beware wen!!! i am watching dun try to bluff me mans.. haha stupid girl la she. haha she like put ugly pics of me on her display of msn.. damn terrible. i must revenge mans. i will take with her ugly pics next time. I WILL BE BACK

i am back

hi all, its been a freaking long long time since i blog. well i kinda wanted to stop blogging due to reasons that i didnt want others that i dunno to read. haha but thats silly. anyways HAPPY NEW YEAR!! its been another year. looking forward to this brand new year. there are stuff that i am busy with. church mainly. its more and more projects. well plus saving money so that i can have my hols at thailand. hmm.. i am suppose to find some acting company too so that it would help with my furture stuff. but i am lazy. i guess too busy as well. probably would start calling in march when i am done with most of my stuff.

my 2005 has been rather a crazy and fast year. A'levels took over my life and made it the centre of attention. i didnt talked much to most of my friends and family. now that is all over i finally cooled down and hang out with my usual friends. really missed them ! now that i am out of school, i dun have to restrict to talking to ppl i am uncomfortable with. thats what i like mans. no more fake smile and small talks.. haha well i am hang out with ppl i am truly close with. hmm.. i dont particularly dislike anyone probably most of it is on my part of not used to the kind of lifestyle they have.haha ok i shall stop here. hopefully i will be back blogging tml.. till then