a bet

i am on this bet with my friends for 3 days and it starts today. oh well i really hope that it turns out to be what i really want it to be. the sch hols have started but there is no excitement or joy. its just the beginning of my studying period.


i hope that one day he might know that i feel this way everytime he is around. its funny how our feelings play us. sometimes you think he is the only one for you but other times you hate him to the core. sometimes he makes u feel so happy you feel like flying but at other times he makes you feel sad you feel like crying. i hate having such mixed emotions. i dun like being confused and not know what is ahead of me.all i can do now is let time decide for me. i know the old saying of if ya never say you would never know. however if i was to say i might just lose a friendship that i hold so dear. JADED

  hey hey friends look at our sweet sweet friendship.. i will miss all of you.. see ya soon

hmm what happened to my picture on top?? how come i cant see it no more..haha.. well got to ask wen for help!!

ok i havent blog for the past few days due to my hectic studying. well gp is a subject which i wish to score well in cos of the courses i wanna take in uni. hmm.. i just hope i did well cos the paper was damn sucky.


last night i went out for one last night to enjoy myself cos for the weeks that are coming its gonna be studying studying and more studying.. oh well!!! anywasy last night i went to this really nice place though we spent over an hour deciding where we shld go. it all started when we went to esplanade and walk futher down to one fullerton to a place called onyx. we were deciding if we shoulld go in cos happy hour was over and it wld be ex. so after 30 mins of considersation haha we took a cab down to club street.. walked a lot and finally settled at this place cos they still had happy hour. haha wow wow wow to little expections it was good good good.. i liked the place so so much that i kept asking the waiter questions. haha it was so nice so cool funky and has a toilet that is clean. oh my now that would be my favourite place. its called "2 doors" such a funky name right? anyways its a dining area on the 1st 3 floors and on the top floor is a the drinking area ahh.. its damn nice comfortable and best quiet. we had a great time ..damn we didint bring the camera..we laughed until we stomach pain la.. and most of the time they were laughing at my wrong pronunciation haha but all was good mans..and after that we went to maxwell to eat minced meat noodles. yummy yummy..
its just nice to hang out with my frens since i only meet them once a month. love them mans.. right honeydrew?? haha if only everyday could be as carefree as last night.. haiz i would miss it mans..

well well well
a weekend of relaxation.. its been quite some ime since i just slack thru the whole weekend. well luckily tml is a holiday so i guess got to study.. hmm apparently everyone ard me claims i am hardworking.. haha well i dun really think so manz.. its just doing hwk.. i mean i wld know if i am working too hard rite?? not really stress yet..A levels A levels. well i mean why do ppl go so stress over a piece of certificate.. after all its just another paper.. its easy to say it this way but i myself is taking the A levels like its everything in this world.


anyways does anyone like wanna watch star wars with me??sad but true that my girl class mates dun watch star wars.. hmm weirds mans..recently just celebrated eileen's 18 birthday twice. well then on fri i brought two of my guy mates to Blush! oh mymy its like so so pai seh la.. one of them asking me the wiring and all.. the other one dunno the diff in cup sizes..haha thinking that they shld be embarrass but no i was the one blushing in Blush! what an irony! haha and then i had to explain all.. oh my.. but it was a fun filled experience.. at least now i can bring them along my bra shopping spree.. haha

i think the sadness does not come from the fact that i know u are never there. but it comes from the fact that i can never be part of your life. i guess thats how i would feel if i like someone and know that we are worlds apart. its werid to have feelings for someone more than a friend. i always tot how is it formed?? such werid feelings?? is it overnight?or is it after what he did? i feel lost when i like someone. u dunno what u shld do next. afraid that he might know the truth but yet ya wanna let him know. hoping hoping that he might feel the same way too. but then realisation hits you hard and deep. u suddenly realise its never going to happen. that friends or even less were all you could be. lost sadness anger comes in. lost to what ya shld do next, give up or continue to fight a losing battle? sadness over the fact that all hope for that chance is gone. anger cause all ya have been wishing and praying for didnt come true. but worse would be hurt. why do ppl like each other knowing there is a 50-50 chance of being hurt. that no matter how hard they try there might never be a "happily ever after". though i might question and know what to expect from liking someone. i would still place myself up in front of the battlefield and hope i wld not die.

well well.. back in the act again. finally its friday and i can take a break from the hectic life that i am so caught up in. i wanna complain! how can my school have drama elective only in 2006! damn!!they should like have it since last year.. so people like me who are dying to do drama can do it.. argh..

i have a blood clot on my thumb and it hurts. darn that hockey stick!! ouch ouch!!!
i better hurry get rid of it. or else...

its raining cats and dogs outside now. i was caught in the rain. luckily i brought my umbrella. haha but it was not of much help. today i wore my red sandals thinking it might not rain. but woah.. it rained like it never before!
act 1 scene 1
went to church with my mummy for the 6pm mass. its been a long time since we went mass together so it was a good feeling.
act1 scene 2
went to the adoration with my mummy after the mass said my prayers and waited for prayer meet to start!
act2 scene 1
prayer meet started late as usual. haha well it started off with wayne asking us to fill up a form. some survey thing. werid but i just did as told. prayer meet was good i liked today's prayer meet. it started off with our intentions and a hail mary after each intention. hmm i wanted to say my intention but i just could not find the courage. then nana cow moo moo showed us some slides and we sang some songs. the highlight of today's prayer meet would be what is love to each of us? woah. i just love talking about it and sharing it. we each had our turn. listening to everyone's point of view made me realise that love is such a mystery. however God's love is never a mystery. attendance for prayer meet was quite bad today. i wonder why. hmm shall go ask ask around..
act3
met with andrea at beer garden at siglap after prayer meet. ate food and talked crap. haha as usual! but before we knew it it suddenly started raining! like super heavy. we ran from the coffee shop to the bus stop. like i wrote earlier i had an umbrella so i walked slowly with andrea while the others got drenched. haha
act4
i drop off at my stop and walked home. not a very good idea! should have taken a cab! well got bottom half of my clothes all wet! argh.came home and quickly shower i didnt want to get sick again! then i saw my feet all red! haha the colour of my red sandals stained my feet.. try to get it off but it cant go off. so ya red feet now!

this is the end of my exciting night!

growing up

sometimes its such a painful chore to grow up. i get frustrated at times when people aske me to grow u be more mature. i like being a kid. yes i admit that i have used the pharse "grow up and be more mature" on some people before. so yes its a pay back time i guess. there are times we need to realise we must grow up and take a mature point of view. i also admit its not easy. sometimes i just wanna get piss off at every single thing yet i have to be logical and realise i should react this way.

crying is not being immature. it is what you are crying for that might be immature. crying is a healthy emotion. its a form of letting it all out e.gwhen ya are sad just by crying makes one feel much better.its like the tears are filled with ur sadness and when ya cry ya let it flow out of you. i like crying sometimes it helps me release the bad feelings in me.i havent quite had the feeling of being so happy till i am crying.so to me i relate crying as a sad thing.to me tears are the silent language for grief.


Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. ~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860

"sometimes i think the absence of blood and death throws us into despair. It's as if we feel alive only when we're surrounded by destruction and executions." this is quoted from one of the characters in CArlos Fuentes's novel of revolution and war in Mexio, The Death if Arternio Cruz.

this is taken from the book i read on the drama if everyday life. i found it quite true. the author says that peace is boring. as i have shared with some of my frens about this boring thing. i mean its funny (in a werid way) but true.

now back to whats happening in my life. ookok as usual i am buried wih school work and lots of tests coming up.with june hols comin up.. my teachers are just piling up my to do list.. wow its way up there already!! i guess its really a test to test on my limits. i have been given the post as stage manager for my upcoming school prodution. it's much more than i expected. there are so many things to handle. the responsibilty came when my drama teacher told me "crystal if there's anything i want to know i would ask you" i mean i didnt know i have to know everything and i mean EVERYTHING! well i just have with cope slowly. maybe thru this experience i would learn much more. after all life is about learning new things each day. its sounds not that bad actually.


i watched the people around me. and i realise how amazing and unique each of them are. some of them shy some loud some smart some crazy like me some just being some. haha well its funny how ordinary we claim ourselves to be when we are all so special in our own way. you might not realise it but yes you are. we are all entitled to a certain gift that some of you might know already or some might be still searching. for me i am still searching.. its different when someone tells you that you are special compared to you yourself telling others you are special. i guess thats what i need to learn. its not about being proud its more like confidence and i guess loving urself much more. its only when you know you were made as a special indivduals that you appreciate urself much more.i think sometimes we lack this love for ourself.its diffcult to understand but yet a need to realise.

GREENS

i love my greens i love it so so much.. my mummy bought me this new water bottle and its lime green. i named it "GREENS"!!

sea carnvial

yesterday was sea carnvial i wanted so much to blog but my hands were aching and my brain was failing so slept early... besides i was down with flu and cough hate it!!!
it was damn fun yesterday... oh manz for the first time i was kayaking!! and mean woah.. it felt like it was gonna capsize anytime manz.i was in the relay team with my class girls cos dawn didnt come. me and eileen were partners. both being so blur (i with no experience and eileen who ha kayak only once) were damn worried.. esp after seeing jess and ee ping go around the circumference of the river i was even more worried. haha so ya me and eileen praticed our "left right left right" command and was ready for the advantage. i warned eileen that if i was to capsize i wld grab her really tight.. haha however never got the chance to do that. we managed to stay above water. but the worst was yet to come. we were suppose to U turn at the flag which was near to the other end of the shore. so we kayak happily all ready to turn and then the sea sports person shouted "stear left stear left" me and eileen started to panick we totally forgot what is left and right and so we keep stearing right.. until we realise we were stuck to the shore.. darn! now that we needed help no one shouts. so using our smart brains we push ourselves using the paddle off the shore!! push push push!!! yeah we got it.. now we must turn in the direction such that it heads back to shore and not to the other side of the river.. haha all went well in the end.. what a journey i must say!! great job eileen...

before our kayak there was the class dragon boat race. all of us were hoping not to get last.(last yr we got last) so we placed the girls in the middle so it wld not affect the start or end.. haha we were all ready.. the whole class was in except the soccer boys. the helper at the back stearing direction for us was quite mean i must say. we started off not straight such that when the race start he has to position us to the right place when everyone was ahead already.. probably could have got better but at least we did not end last.. haha great job manz!!

it was fun watching my friends get wet and myself learning to kayak. i guess its something we wld always remember as a class. sad that some could not make it.. but all in all we all had our fun!!! till next time class. now we better study really hard!

Happy mother's day

Happy Mother's Day

mummy!!! i love ya.. today my family went to parkway hawker to have a simple meal.. must budget budget.. simple yet very very full.. yummy. i enjoyed my day with my mum and my family. i realise how much trouble my mum has to go through to make sure all of us are healthy and strong. so mummy i promise i wld try not to shout at you.. sometimes i just cant control.. sorry mummy.. anyways stay happy mummy.. love ya always..

heaven knows

heaven knows
He's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
He's everywhere I go
he's all I know.
And though he's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now he's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love him,
You've gotta set him free
And if he returns in time
I'll know he's mine

But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let him go

'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know he's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?

Heaven knows... heaven knows.

i think there is this flu virus spreading in my class. i am down with a flu now.. its not exactly a flu yet.. its in between. so i am drinking lots of water hoping to fight the flu virus. i was so wrong that Mr Flu Virus (MFV) would not come after me. but i was so wrong MFV just wanna attack my immune system at the wrong time and wrong day. my NAPFA is like next week and i am so screwed if i have a flu.. anyway does anyone know what NAPFA stands? care to enlighten me? haha so ya how can i run 2.4km without breathing thru my nose. i mean thats prue madness.. haha i just hope it wld go away. i will not be defeated by MFV!!!!

now that flu part is done. i have smth else to say. on thurs it was our school's soccer match with SAJC. well i guess i was quite mean when i kinda of said that our sch would lose. i guess i didnt realise how posionous my words were. like uncle yong xin says i am a jinx! so well public apology to my class soccer guys wei liang and mar mar.sorry sorry!!! its not that we are lousy but is that there were better. we were good i bet. though some might have made a mistake or two i bet they didnt mean too. its not the end yet. THE BATTLE JUST BEGAN! i look forward to see ya guys get better results all the best!! see maybe cos mar mar never eat my apple the good luck charm thats why luck not on his side. haha oh maybe cos wei liang ate my apple. aiya anyway to prevent all this next time i dun give apple i give orange!!! healthy colour =good luck!! haha kidding...

i am quite proud of my sch and of my friends who competed in the SYF. they were good mans. all the hard work really paid off. my sch obtained 5 gold and 2 sliver in all for SYF. (if i didnt rmb wrongly) dawn and eileen for CO, jerome, wai kit, aileen for choir, mag, suve, yu ngai for band! i didnt miss anyone out rite..?? anyways well done mans so proud of ya guys. *claps*

confused?

everyone was telling me movie tickets were going up.. so when i watched the movie today i expected to pay more.. but i paid only 8 bucks.. is that more already? i dun really rmb how much it was the last time.. haha so i mean is it going up??when?

have ya all tried laughing at ur com screen while chatting with ur friends? i just did. and its funny!!

stuff stuff and more stuff

tonight i shall take my time to write as long as i want until my fingers turn numb and my brain is blank... okok i have to continue from last night.. (yue liang birthday) hmm... i guess there are just friends whom ya can talk to till the end of time and not feel bored at all. that was what it was like last night. talking about stuff.. *ahem* and many many more.. haha it was just so fun.even though some of us might be in the same class and see each other like everyday but still hanging outside of sch is a whole diff thing.

today is sports day. haha the thought of sports day seem so sec sch.. haha well come to think of it this year wld be my last sports day. and thats so sad. no more laughing at ppl and running as a class and feeling the adrenaline rush even though you are not running. the excitment of running and not running is the same. (to me) well i was as usual screaming my lungs out for my class mates not giving a damn if the whole world is staring at me. i was with eileen and both of us just kept shouting hoping that by shouting we can boost their spirit and also intimdate the rest and make them fall.. haha this is the 1st time we are running on sports day. haha we just didnt want to be last. and we managed not to. i am so proud of them. esp those who were injured and still ran. RESPECT manz.. i realise how impt it is to work as a team. and watching my class go all out for it even knowing they wld lose was great. i love my class much more. they have proved me wrong in many things they do. they have proved to be able to reach their potential and not fall despite of all obstacles. 04S14 way to go manz. :)

then after sports day me and my girl buddies were suppose to go kbox and sing our lungs out. esp me and eileen we needed to have that distraction.!!but guess what? i think they just dun like us. kbox claims that their system was down. i mean HELLO ur system down? its like why not just tell us u are clsoing down.. haha so some of us decided to watch a movie. ok we watched DIVERGENCE.sounds unfamiliar? haha well its a chinese show.the main point is not the show but the actors in the movie. Daniel Wu Aaron Kwok Ekin Cheng. oh my my drop dead gorgeous. before i went in the theatre my classmate was like " i bet you would not get the show" so i wanted to prove him wrong and listened extra hard and read eng subtitles when i had trouble figuring what the hell they were speaking abt. ok so i got what they were saying but understanding the story was a whole diff thing! i mean what was going on?? where did the 3 million go to and for what? and why were they shot? to those who have watched i would really appreciate some explaining. haha these chinese movies just cant be simpler right?

after watching the movie i met up with my mum. we talked and i really just love my mummy so much. sometimes i feel she deserves much better stuff in her life. well all i am capable of doing is pray for her. i really want her to be happy. its difficult to show my love in words but i try to do it in my actions. we met up with my sis and she bought a bag without a need to beg my mum. or rather my mum was "begging" her to get a bag. haha funny..

oh well i guess thats all for now. thanks for reading my long winded entry.

dearest yue liang birthday

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO JUN YUE!!
yeah yeah you are 18 already *claps*.. anyways tonight was a fun filled night mans.. its been some time since i get to really talk to yue liang (a nick name i give him.. his real name is jun yue) and ray my buddies from school.. its always a joy to spent time with them.. furthermore spending time with eileen was just what we needed.. really miss talking to her.. hmm.. sometimes we ponder whats true friendship? probably the question is not that but is whether we are willing to let go and trust our friends.. i learnt to trust these friends that i hold dear to my heart..though there are different from my other friends.. they wld still be people that i trust.. i am just so tired to write more.. and i must catch one tree hill before its too late.. wrote this for the dearest birhtday boy.. may all his wishes come true..

i am just not fated

again again again
i can just never ever meet you. damn...
well its like when you 1st start to have a blog ya just get so excited then ya just wanna keep blogging.. i better make use of this excitement to keep blogging before it dies out.. haha well some of ya guys wld know that i am reading this book, "The Drama Of Everyday Life" yes yes the book i am reading for the past week. great book i must say.. though maybe half the time i dun really get what the author tries to say.. but nevertheless i got to learn new stuff.. btw its not a drama book k.. hmm ok there was this passage from the book that made sense to me.. it goes " why are we reading if not in the hope that the writer will magnify and dramatize our days, will illuminate and inspire us with wisdom, courage and the possibility of meaningfulness, and will press upon our minds the deepest mysteries, so we may feel again majesty and power?" cool way of the motive to read a book..never thought of the infulence of words can be so great.

so much for not wanting a blog

hey there to one and all.. welcome to me blog..well yes yes so much for not saying i want a blog.. guess i am just another one of those teens who just go with the flow rights. darn! oh well i must thank my bestest pal for all of this. Wen Wen thanks so much!! love ya to the max.. it was all done by her finding the blogskin and all and all.. cos my dumb dumb computer just want to be mean and show me squares la. haha well thats one long story!
i still cant believe i have a blog now. darn it! i still remember telling my friends how much i hated friendster. and then due to peer pressure as always i got influenced to join it. then came the blog. i told myself so many times that no i am so not going to get a blog and look whats happening.. A BLOG..*boom*
ok enough of not believing and believing.. haha i guess its all fun to have one. i better get on and tell all my beautiful friends..